my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
