ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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