Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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