Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
