Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
