Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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