Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
