I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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