i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I intend to get homeless drunk
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize