wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
