1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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