i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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