so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
