And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
as a side note pls kill me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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