my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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