I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
