Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
