sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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