i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
did i just pee glitter
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
