NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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