how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
