if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
