Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize