Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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