My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
