Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
