Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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