Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
