You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
