I want to walk on stilts...naked
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize