if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
