the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
