I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
