I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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