Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize