FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
