I hate your face
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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