I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ketchup is God's man juice
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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