Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize