I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
