I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
