New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
