Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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