It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
