it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
