Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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