I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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