every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
