Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize