Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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