He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize