4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
