Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
