for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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