I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
