i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
