Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
