Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize