We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
