tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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