I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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