his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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