is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
