Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think I won the penis lottery.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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