She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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