Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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