the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
