Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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