I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
