i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
