Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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