found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
