We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
