I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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