just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize