She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
