haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
