Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
