morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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