Kiss
Puke
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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