Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize