he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
