Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
