After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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