I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
