3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
