Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
