so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
