last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Even my vagina gasped.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
