Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
