So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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