every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
