he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
