Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
