i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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