I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
