I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
