No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
