Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
