Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
