just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
