Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
