If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
