i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
