so that wasnt chicken after all
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
